Date: September 30, 2008 03:44 AM Title: The Lesson
Hrmmm. This story felt very rushed and as though you didn't really think it through. To be honest, I got the overwhelming feeling that you were writing what you thought people wanted to read without giving a lot of thought to characterisation, suspense and intrigue. When someone commented it seemed out of character, you immediately changed direction - something tells me you didn't plan for the story to go the way it did. Maybe I'm wrong, but if I am then I have to say this story did not ring true for me.
I felt your characterisation had glimmers of Joker and Harley there but was largely off the mark. Joker in particular was not his charming, intriguing self.
I don't want to discourage you as I think you have potential and you should definitely keep writing and practicing. I just feel you really need to think about what you're writing and take more care with it as well as go for more than just shock value.
For example, having Joker swear a lot just makes him sound childish. Joker is a man who is careful with the way he speaks; it's part of his performance. Making him swear every second word is lazy.
I think you have the right idea of who the characters are and you know who they are inside - I just feel you need more practice in depicting that. Don't rush, and look for a beta reader to help out.
Author's Response: Thank You SO much. This is truely a review I have been looking for. I'm still an amateur at writing, but I hope to improve thorugh every story I write. Thank you for all the advice.
Date: September 21, 2008 11:54 AM Title: The Escape
I dunno, I liked the first chapter quite a bit but then it started to get really out of character I thought.
Author's Response: Be sure to read Chapter 4 when it comes out, it might be 'out of character' now but thats intentional. It will make sense in future chapters! (: